GrrlGotGame - Left behind: Won't somebody please think of the sinister children?

You may not know this, but I'm not like other gamers. I mean, not a lot of gamers. Sure, there are others out there like me. You might even know one. But we're still a minority, which means we're still overlooked.

As I wandered through the exhibition hall at PAX last year, I met many a game developer who convinced me to try their games. (Resulting in the flu, but that's another story...) I'd play for a few minutes and think, "Maybe you and me were never meant to be, but at least think of me once in a while."

All right, there's no easy way to say this fellas, so I might as well just come out and say it: I'm left-handed. And your right-handed first-person shooters are killing me, often literally, game-wise.

Beginning with Doom II, through Quake, and onto more recent frag fests (yes, I mean you, Bungie boys), I have had to readjust my right brain to accept that there's a gun in my hand, and it ain't the right one. I mean it is the right one, which isn't the correct one, because...

Oh, never mind. I'm dead anyway.

I must admit, it doesn't bother me as much on the PC. My best guess is that being a foot away from the screen, and having a smallish screen to start with, makes it a whole lot easier to deal with. Console games, on the other hand, drive me bonkers - especially games that insist on not only displaying your right hand, but putting it about six feet to the right - placing it somewhere in the vicinity of my next door neighbor's back patio.

C'mon guys, give me a break! Is it really so hard to imagine that a lefty might want to go ballistic, too? Wouldn't it be fun to see the trajectory of a hand grenade flung from the southpaw point of view once in a while?

And while we're at it, how about an end to the indignities I must suffer as a lefty? I'm looking at you, Left 4 Dead. Cute ad campaign and all, but imagine seeing a sign with your DOMINANT hand missing a thumb (or finger) everywhere you go. I do. And it's like seeing someone stab fluffy pink teddy bears in front of crying children. I miss those fingers. Sometimes, I salute them with one of my own.

And that's not the only slam against my people I have suffered this year. Harmonix included a "play a song left-handed" achievement in Rock Band: The Beatles. AN ACHIEVEMENT! They think it would be tough! It says to the world, "Look at me, I'm bad, I can play left-handed!" Well you know what? I got that achievement the first time. So suck it, Harmonix. (Oh, by the way, I love your game!)

So what, you may ask, do I request - nay, demand?! Just give me an option to play left-handed. OK, to be honest, I probably won't do it, because like using scissors and opening doors, I have adjusted to the fascist right-handed regime that dominates our world today.

But there are children. Innocent, doe-eyed, left-handed children. Who have yet to pick up a controller. Who are yet to have their brains rewired by society. Who have yet to know the joys of blowing someone's virtual head to smithereens. For them, I ask, give us a lefty option. And just think of the extra work for the artists and animators, not to mention the coders who have to optimize twice and the lefty testers who are suddenly in demand. The overtime alone might be all this economy needs to rebound!

As for me, it is too late. I shall continue fighting the good fight, dying occasionally because I can't line up my shot properly, taking twice-as-long to beat games as Gamewatcher, who was born right (handed). Perhaps you could but yield a small apology in my direction, and I shall offer forgiveness.

A large babydoll with your game logo on it wouldn't hurt, either. As long as it has all of its digits.

Game on!