If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen the item awhile ago about the so-called "naughty" game called Privates that was coming to Xbox Live Indie Games - only a few days later, Microsoft more or less put the kibosh on it with a statement that it was highly unlikely to pass peer review and get released there.
Well, that didn't stop Zombie Cow Studios from releasing it on PC. And it's free.
Before you download it, be sure you realize that it's somewhat foul and definitely not safe for work. It aspires to be educational, teaching you (or, more likely, your easily tittilated kids) about venereal diseases and the potential effects of unsafe sex and poor hygiene. The joke is that you're a squad of virus and bacteria killers ("privates") exploring the exterior and interior of a female's lady parts ("privates"). Alas, she's suffering from pretty much anything you could possibly catch "down there."
It's gross but, perhaps even worse, it requires one of the latest graphics cards to shade everything to what the developers deemed an acceptible level of detail for its pubic landscape. Even with the latest post-launch update that supposedly improves playability, disabling my second monitor and turning down shaders and other effects did not eke out a decent frame rate on my 2-year-old yet still rather zippy laptop. Really? If the purported goal is to educate those needing it, you'd think it would offer a low-res mode that would play on virtually any machine you could download it to.
If you aren't running a recent PC capable of crunching Crysis-quality polygons, don't worry - you're not missing much. As you encounter a new virus or contagion, there's a brief lesson on what's to blame and how to avoid it - and then you select the appropriate weapon to counter it, using your mouse to aim and wipe it out. Pretty basic stuff. Move along, nothing to see here. Though if you must see for yourself, don't let me stop you: Download Privates...
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